


a hunter and an archangel walk into a kroger

by humancorn



Series: what's a crackfic? [4]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel Loves Oreos, Crack, Dean Winchester & Gabriel are Bros, Dean Winchester Loves Pie, Doritos - Freeform, Established Gabriel/Sam Winchester, Fluff and Crack, Gabriel Being Gabriel, Gabriel is a Little Shit, Grocery Shopping, M/M, Meme!Gabriel, Memes, Tumblr Memes, they're such a crack couple i swear to jesus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-22
Updated: 2018-09-22
Packaged: 2019-07-15 12:01:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16062692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/humancorn/pseuds/humancorn
Summary: Meme CrackFic + SamGabe“Need me toget you some groceries?”  Gabriel said, wiggling his left eyebrow.





	a hunter and an archangel walk into a kroger

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry for this? I felt like I needed to write something to just get words on a page and weird crack is usually that outlet. 
> 
> *This is based on the Doritos Slut Meme from a little while back.
> 
> Also I apologize ahead of time for the "Kroger's" instead of "Kroger" I'm from Ohio and the possessive "s" after everything is strong with me and my writing. I love it so much. Who the fuck knows. Also idk if Krogers exist in Kansas but it's better than Giant Eagle alright. #fuckGiantEagle

It was Sam’s week to grab groceries and Dean was none too happy about it. After a long three weeks of hunting down a pack of extra-elusive wendigos, all Dean wanted to do was chill in the bunker and eat pies, maybe scarf down a couple of burgers, watch some reruns of Dr. Sexy, Md. You know, his usual. And he knew that if Sam was the one going to the store, none of the ingredients for his “quiet weekend in” were going to be purchased and brought home. 

 

Naturally, he’d thought of just going to the store himself, forgoing the system that they had (only recently, at Sam’s insistence) started up. But as Dean opened his mouth to suggest that he be the one to get groceries again this week, Sam threw him Bitchface #346 and was out the door before he could even register what was happening. And just like that: Tactic #1, asking to be the one to go to the store, was over before it even started. Tactic #2, you may ask? Well, 50/50 chance that it backfired, but at this point, Dean was desperate. 

 

Sighing, he closed his eyes and whispered Gabriel’s name, hoping that, for once, the archangel would show up without pranking him in the process. When he opened his eyes, Gabriel stood before him, grin wide and eyes shining like a kid in a candy store.

 

“Need me to  _ get you some groceries?”  _  Gabriel said, wiggling his left eyebrow. 

 

“Sam’s on his way to Kroger’s.” Dean said, conveying everything he needed with a meaningful look. Gabriel grinned wider and hummed mischievously.

 

“Gotcha, Deano. Laters.” And then, Gabriel was gone.  

 

-=-=

 

Sam was singing along to the radio when Gabriel appeared in the passenger seat of the impala. He didn’t bat an eyelash as the archangel snapped up a lollipop and leaned sideways in his seat until his head was resting heavily on Sam’s lap. 

 

“Enjoying yourself down there?” Sam asked, heaving a sigh as he turned into the Kroger’s parking lot. 

 

“Of course, Sambrosia.” Gabriel said, stretching his arms out awkwardly as Sam parked the car. Sam leaned down and placed a soft kiss on Gabriel’s forehead before shoving him the fuck off his lap and getting out of the car. 

 

Gabriel laughed deep in his chest and teleported out of the car, “I  _ love _ you.”

 

“Love you too, babe.” Sam smiled but refused to look him in the eye.

=-=-=-=

 

Sam was honestly a little surprised at how helpful Gabriel was being. He’d fetched almost half the list at this point, and as Sam began to stroll down the snack aisle in search of oreos for Castiel. The seraph had gotten addicted to them a little while back and after everything that had happened with the wendigo case, Sam felt like he needed to get him something nice. Without looking up from putting the oreos in the cart, Sam asked Gabriel, who, he swore was right beside him just a second ago, if he wanted any chips. Sam scanned the aisle for his boyfriend, only to see him grinning up at a bag of Doritos that was hanging precariously just out of his reach. 

 

“Gabe, do you want any chips?” Sam repeated, thinking Gabriel hadn’t heard him. In a moment of pure horror, Gabriel turned to him, grinning wider if that was somehow possible, and Sam realized what he had just done. He stopped dead in his tracks, his breath catching in his throat as Gabriel opened his mouth and--

 

“I’M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR DORITOS!” 

 

-=-=-=

 

They returned home that night without any groceries, Sam moving slowly through the door to the bunker before flopping himself down on the sofa in the living room and Gabriel following behind, munching on a party-size bag or nacho cheese doritos.

 

“Dean, please go get groceries.” Sam groaned, tossing the keys in the general direction of his brother.


End file.
